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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Confronting the person who hurt you - the cons- Part II

Before going into the second part of confronting the person who hurt you, I want to let this to be a reminder that confronting works with some people when they are only using wisdom before going in to the situation.When people use wisdom, things are resolved that way! This allows the situation to be better. What I mean by wisdom! That means some people have a strong gut feeling in their spirit that he or she are supposed to confront their abuser.That leads to "a knowing"! To add to that, one will have a preparation period to go before they confront their abuser,but he or she will know by their gut-feeling that it's time. Without using wisdom, it can make the situation worse. One would probably ask the question- ( how can the situation be made worse)? This is where I will introduce to you -( a couple of cons).

I. A person knows by their gut feeling that confronting will make the situation worse, but he or she goes ahead to do it!

There are most people who do this act! Even though it might seems right to confront that person so that forgiveness and healing will begin, but rejecting that gut-feeling, the situation is being made worse. This is because most of them refuse to follow that gut feeling - or fail to ask themselves what they are getting into. When that person goes into a situation where he or she will confront the abuser or offender. There is a bad surprise waiting on that person! That surprise is when the abuser or the offender will deny what they have done in the past! Here are some statements of what the abuser or offender will say out of denial!

1. I have never done that to you !

2. I don't know what you are talking about!

3. You are talking crazy

4. How can you say that I Have done that to you

After the person who has been hurt by listening to such statements, he or she is extremely angry and upset at the offender or abuser! This goes so far into a huge argument! There is yelling and a lot of madness between that person and the abuser. With most people, it will go so far as a fist fight. The person who is hurt, he or she will be more bitter and angry at the abuser than before.

After the confronting the abuser or offender, that person will go talk to someone about what happened. This can be on the telephone or a face-to-face conversation. While talking, that person can feel the rage, bitterness, and anger increasing in their mind and emotions. Overall, the situation was not resolved which it leads to the person being more emotionally damaged. That's why it's dangerous to confront sometimes.

II. Confronting the person who hurt you is the only way to forgive and heal!

How many times that I have heard this statement! When most people say this statement - every person has to confront the abuser or offender so that healing and forgiveness to begin. They are lying and deceiving you by that statement! The question that one probably asks me, " why do I say they are lying to you by that statement?"! Now without using wisdom, confronting has caused most people to have more hatred, bitterness and resentment towards that person, which is damaging more of that person's health! These are things that has caused the situation to be worse among most people. If confronting works for every person, there would not be a need for therapy,counseling, testimonies,and other healing method!

Another additional statement that most people say towards others - "If your abuser or offender begin to argue! You have every right to walk away! You have done your part,which the situation is resolved!" Even though a person might have done their part to confront and walk away so that an argument will not arise,he or she will still have thoughts and feelings of anger towards their abuser.

To add to that, after confronting the abuser, that person will go on the say to someone else that he or she has done their part to forgive! In addition, he or she will talk about how the abuser acted towards him or her.While that person is speaking in the conservation, deep inside of their soul, he or she feels the hurt and the anger towards that person.

 Overall, there was nothing resolved! Truly, that person has not been healed or forgave their abuser. Usually, most people will keep it inside after confronting their abuser or offender and not go and tell the another person! At the same time, they are extremely angry at their abuser! Other people will confront, but they will have thoughts and feelings of anger off and on.

My point is that- one should never go confront a person unless he or she truly knows for a fact that they are to confront that person. If one knows the situation is going to worse, or he or she is not lead to confront! Don't confront that person to make the situation worse! If the knowing is there, don't take that risk ! If you can look at it from this perspective, don't allow more damage on your health!!If you know confronting the person will make the situation worse, it important to find other healing methods what is best for you in order to heal so that forgiveness will begin in your life.

However,most people will not understand that what always works for one person,doesn't mean that it will work for another person.

I want to say to everyone to have a good evening! And take care!

Copyright(©) by Tyler J.Logan
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